Just when you think you are finally starting to figure your life out again — figuring out who you are outside of survival mode — life finds a way to knock you back down.

Not all the way back to the beginning, but far enough that you feel disoriented for a minute. Hurt. Useless. And for a second, you wonder if maybe it would be easier to give up than to keep fighting for the changes you know you need in your life.

That happened to me last week.

Nothing changed in my marriage. That is still sitting in the same still pond: no love, no companionship, no partnership, and no sense of belonging. Just existing beside someone instead of with them.

What changed was work.

I had been with my company for almost 10 years. Deep down, I knew eventually my position would either be outsourced or replaced by AI. I just never imagined I wouldn’t even be given notice. Just a random meeting added to my calendar and an agreement placed in front of me to sign.

And honestly?

At first, I did what a lot of people probably would do.

I day drank.

I let myself fall apart for a minute because it hurt. Not just losing the job, but realizing how much of myself I had sacrificed for a company that would replace me without hesitation. I stayed loyal. I stayed comfortable. I turned down opportunities because I didn’t want to leave my team. I stayed stagnant while being moved from one broken thing to another, fixing problems only to watch those teams get handed off to someone else.

But after the shock wore off, something unexpected happened.

My outlook shifted.

For the first time in a long time, I stopped asking what everyone else needed from me and started asking what I needed for myself.

Now my focus is different.

My self-care comes first.
My job search comes first.
My future comes first.

And after that?

I deal with what I already know needs to happen.
I file the divorce papers.
I finally stop building a life around people and places that stopped choosing me a long time ago.

Maybe losing the job wasn’t the thing that broke me.

Maybe it was the thing that finally forced me to stop settling.